Monday, May 15, 2006

Nothing ever happens...



This is a lovely song and i could think of no other song that suits my state of transience right now...

"I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here
I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree

I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see, and all that I can see, and all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon-tree "

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The release of Writing.

I've loved to write since i was a school girl. And wanted to be a writer ever since i knew the meaning of the word. And although i haven't done any creative writing in a very long time, just penning down my thoughts from time to time has done me a world of good.

I had started to believe that i'd lost the hang of writing. I had started accepting the fact that maybe i would never again know that thrilling feeling of being out of control, when the words come out so fast and you can't write or type fast enough to get them down on paper. This blog has helped me get that feeling back. It doesn't matter how i write. It does not matter at all if i have no readers on my blog. (Readers, this is not an excuse for you to not comment! I still want comments!) That feeling is reason enough to write.

One of my favourite authors is Stephen King. I am not a special fan of horror books. But i read all of King's books because he just writes so goddamn well. A couple of years back, i found that he had written a non-fiction book on the art and craft of writing. The book is called 'On Writing' and is a simple, well-structured book. Read it if you are interested in writing and read it even if you are not cause it's an interesting read anyway. It provides interesting insights into King's life and lets you see what a professional writer actually things of the art.

King makes a couple of perceptions that i was very surprised to read. Because they mirrorred what i thought as well. I don't think too much of my writing skills. I sort of feel that i'm one of those people who'll keep talking of the fact that i want to write and never write anything good enough because i will never devote enough time and patience to the art, as much as i respect it. A sort of dilettante in writing, maybe. Is that the right word??

Well, i'm getting distracted from the point i was trying to make. The perceptions.

Number One: King describes a feeling similar to the one i have when i'm writing. That glorious feeling of being out of control. When the words rush out so fast that your fingers fly over the keyboard until they hurt. He calls this feeling 'falling through the hole in the paper'. Now, i don't know about you, but i find this description beautiful. It's so simple and it's exactly what happens when you're writing. You sort of free fall, out of control. And when you're doing creative writing (i've never experienced this much, because like i said, i haven't been able to do any creative writing recently. My muse refuses to come.), the hole in the paper is a sort of wormhole into another parallel universe. A universe that you create. Imagine Tolkien falling through the hole in his paper into Hobbit Land... Actually walking with Frodo, Sam and Aragorn. So King's description is magical and so true!

Number Two: King says that when you write a story, the author very often does not know the end of the story until he finishes writing it. There is something so awe-inspiring about this thought. Because the fact that the author - who is literally God to the characters in his novel - does not know the end of his book, gives the book a life of it's own. It makes the story a living, breathing thing, which nobody can control. This is an idealist view of writing. And i loved the fact that a writer like King still believed in it.

Number Three: The feeling of complete exhaustion after you write something. When you write with feeling, you write with mind, body and soul. And a bit of all three is left on paper.

Number Four: The fourth perception is not something King talks about in the novel 'On Writing'. He says this in another of his novels - i think it was 'Misery'. He says that no matter how many people a novel is dedicated to, the novel is written for the joy of the writer himself. The writer may love the fact that many people like his book, the book is a best-seller, the book is acclaimed by critics and the money his book gets him. But the book is written first and foremost for himself. King puts this across quite bluntly in the novel. He says that writing is a onanistic act. He's right! Writing is a private, exquisite pleasure. It cannot be shared and enjoying so much pleasure on your own makes you feel guilty!!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

All in the name of Love

It's amazing how when you're thinking of something, you can find so many other things that seem to relate to your train of thought. I wanted to write about parental disapproval of love marriages and the difficulties their children face in opposing them and getting married to the person of their choice. And that was exactly when i read this post . This post talks about career choices and how most kids are influenced by parents onto a career path that does not really suit them. I found that the poem had profound meaning for what i wanted to say as well.

So many of those around me today seem to be in love. And they have been in their relationships for a long time or even if it is for a short time they are completely dedicated and committed to the relationship. In true Chennai form, most of these relationships are carried on without the knowledge of parents. There is no true concept of dating in Chennai. Parents would not dream of allowing their children to go out in this manner. So when a guy and girl fall in love, they hide the relationship from their parents and wait until the Big Day when they need to tell their parents that they are in love. More often that not, this is the day when the parents themselves start looking out for an alliance for their daughter. And so it is the girl who has to tell her parents that she is in love and that she has chosen her life partner herself. And then - all hell breaks loose.

When they fell in love, this guy and girl did not really notice the difference between them. Whether they belonged to different religions, different castes, different positions in society with respect to wealth and status. It's true, Love is Blind. And Deaf and Dumb too, most of the time. :-) But when she tells her parents about the guy - these are the first things that parents want to know. If there is a mismatch in any one of the above reasons, it is enough for the parent to refuse the daughter's request that she be allowed to live her life with who she wants - this guy she has fallen so much in love with. She tries telling them that he is a very eligible bachelor, he looks good, he earns well, he has gone Onsite a couple of times, he is very responsible, hard-working etc. It falls on deaf ears. She tries telling her parents that he loves her more than life. And that he will take care of her forever. No response from the parent. She tells her parents that she will be happy only with him. And if she cannot marry him, her life will become one of misery. Her parents stand like stone, immovable. All parents do not react in this way - there are various ways in which disapproval is expressed. There are parents who lock away their daughter at home and do not allow her to talk to the guy anymore until she is 'safely' engaged to a guy of their choice. There are parents who try to 'make their daughter see reason'. Tell her that it is for her own good that they are doing this. The guy she has chosen is simply not suitable for her. Differences in culture and upbringing cannot be forgotten so easily. There are also parents who begin a emotional blackmail. 'Is this what i brought you up to be?', they say. 'All the hard work over the years, all the dreams i had for your marriage.. are they to end like this??' Or even worse, they resort to blackmailing children with their lives... Lines like 'If you oppose me and get married to HIM, i will not be alive. You make the choice yourself, ME or HIM!!! '

It is not all parents who react like this, I know. But lately, most of my friends' parents seem to be reacting like this. And each of the girls in question, has chosen her parent over her lover, the man she had chosen to spend the rest of her life with. Why do parents do this? Why do they force children to give up on the love of their lives? Life is unpredictable. We do not know if we make the right choices. But that does not mean that we make no choice. We make our choices and our decisions and we learn to live by them. The girl or guy in love is entitled to make his or her choices in life, even if they are wrong ones. It is his or her life. And no one, not even the parent can live it for them.

Read Khalil Gibron's poem again. And please do not try to live our lives for us. Our mistakes are our own. Our joys are our own. Our life is our own. We will live and learn.